there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
Randomize
