Your face is a jimmy john
dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
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