I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
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