These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
Randomize
