Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
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