Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
Randomize
