oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Randomize
