My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
