so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
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