just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Randomize
