Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
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