The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
Randomize
