remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
Randomize
