the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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