well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
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