At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
Randomize
