margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
the day after is always just damage control
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
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