I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
They should really pass out barf bags in church
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
