You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
Randomize
