what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
Randomize
