I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
Randomize
