After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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