Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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