Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
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