I can't watch pbs sober anymore
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
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