the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
Randomize
