We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
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