I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
Can't talk, ducks in the car
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
Randomize
