You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
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