I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
