I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
Randomize
