I cannot find my penis.
Getting drunk in a different country is not a good idea. Lets just say spanish women, 17 yr olds from missouri, prostitutes, and a poodle. I don´t want to leave spain.
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
Randomize
