Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
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