the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
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