So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
