Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
Randomize
