I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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