OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
Randomize
