Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Randomize
