Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
I yelled at your uterus for you.
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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