Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Randomize
