I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
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