I wanna bring you to show and tell
I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
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