U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Randomize
