you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
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