you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
Randomize
