Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
Randomize
