Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
