hotel room ftw
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
Randomize
