I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
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