I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
Randomize
